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What goes clip-clop, clip-clop, clip-clop,clip-clop,
bang, bang, clip-clop, clip-clop?
An Amish drive-by shooting.
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Dogs and Light Bulbs
How many dogs does it take to change a
light bulb?
Border Collie: Just one. Then I'll replace any wiring
that's not up to code.
Rottweiler: Make me!
Lab: Oh, me, me! Pleeease let me change the light bulb!
Can I? Huh? Huh?
Dachshund: You know I can't reach that stupid lamp!
Malamute: Let the Border Collie do it. You can feed me
while he's busy.
Jack Russell Terrier: I'll just pop it in while I'm
bouncing off the walls.
Greyhound: It isn't moving. Who cares?
Cocker Spaniel: Why change it? I can still pee on the
carpet in the dark.
Mastiff: Screw it yourself! I'm not afraid of the
dark...
Doberman: While it's out, I'll just take a nap on the
couch.
Boxer: Who needs light? I can still play with my squeaky
toys in the dark.
Pointer: I see it, there it is, there it is, right
there!
Chihuahua: Yo quiero Taco Bulb?
Australian Shepherd: First, I'll put all the light bulbs
in a little circle...
Old English Sheep dog: Light bulb? That thing I just ate
was a light bulb?
Basset Hound: Zzzzzzzzzzzzzz...
Westie: Dogs do not change light bulbs -- people change
light bulbs. I am not one of THEM so the question is,
how long before I can expect my light again?
Poodle: I'll just blow in the Border Collie's ear and
he'll do it. By the time he finishes rewiring the house,
my nails will be dry.
Golden Retriever: The sun is shining, the day is young,
we've got our whole lives ahead of us, and you're inside
worrying about a stupid burned-out bulb?
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What is one billion?
According to a recent government publication
...
A billion seconds ago Harry Truman was president.
A billion minutes ago was just after the time of Christ.
A billion hours ago man had not yet walked on earth.
A billion dollars ago was late yesterday at the U.S.
Treasury.
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Marriage Quotes
Marriage is not a word. It is a sentence--a
life sentence.
Marriage is very much like a violin; after the sweet
music is over, the strings are attached.
Marriage is love. Love is blind. Therefore, marriage is
an institution for the blind.
Marriage is an institution in which a man loses his
Bachelor's Degree and the woman gets her Masters.
Marriage is a thing which puts a ring on a woman's
finger and two under the man's eyes.
Marriage certificate is just another word for a work
permit.
Marriage is not just a having a wife, but also worries
inherited forever.
Marriage requires a man to prepare 4 types of
"rings":
* The Engagement Ring
* The Wedding Ring
* The Suffe-Ring
* The Endu-Ring
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